underage unrequiting

kara from montreal shares this story of an anonymous note that left her "unable (yet still unwilling) to requite"

writes kara:

"Here's the deal: I started university at 17, and didn't turn 18 until just before the second semester ended. Most of my classmates didn't know I was younger; I wasn't trying to be deceptive, but it wasn't something that needed to come up. Several months into the year, in an incredibly awkward moment that involved me wearing mickey mouse socks and drinking cranberry juice in a room full of musicians with wine glasses, it came to light that I was still underage. This occured shortly before Valentines Day, an occasion on which our beloved school basketball team held a fundraiser selling bags of red and white candy which they would deliver to student mailboxes along with a note from the sender. I only got one. The note read: "Dear Kara, if only you were 18"."

"Ma sister for life"

lisa writes:

I wasn't sure what to make of this one, received from my first year university RA. I guess I shouldn't have gotten freaked out because he only wanted me to be his "sister". However, reading this in light of the fact that he had previously sent me a poem describing how he was "drowning in a sea of lust" (to be posted soon), I don't know what kind of relationship he and his sister have...


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From: Joseph <----------@hotmail.com>
To: -----------@hotmail.com
Date: 4 Sept 2003 00:12:13 +0000
Subject: For you only

Dear Lisa

On your birthday, I would love to take you out, shower you with a dozen Sunflowers and treat you to best I can ever give… In my own small way, I pray your heart accepts this poem I have written… for some one special… you

Like a rose still in a bud, like a seedling you are still opening up to become that flower my eyes yearn for day by day… On your birthday, I thank heaven your life, your personality, your humour and what you are… You are what you set out to be, lost in admiration I am... with you anybody could fall in love in heart beat... The world we conquer… not as lovers, not us siblings, but as friends... united in bound before the beginning of time...

You seem like the last strand of my very being, that embodies the heart and soul of who I would want to be... Without U... a life unthinkable, With U eternity in day... a sister I never had, a sister I never knew, Sister I will have... Today, tomorrow till the end of time... in the hell I call my life My tears flow with yours, my sorrow intertwine in yours, my heartache... molded with yours.....

I would rather go blind than to see the world without you... Deaf than to never hear U laugh, numb than never speak your name... mad than to never dream of your loving kindness…

For in my life your image, beauty, voice and passionate soul seems to binds the last grips of my tormented soul...

Its your Birth day &. words cannot express what my heart feels.... Ma sister for life... Me and U are tight... where ever we go, what ever we do, what ever becomes of that sunflowers seed I hope to blossom with you... I will always hold you in ma heart... never letting go… Never letting go…

Happy Birthday...

Joseph

PS: hope my insane heart figured out this poem right... have fun and take care....

"but will you let me?"

Liz from Nepean shares this letter received from Joe, co-worker she had befriended at the restaurant where she worked. Please note where the would-be lover readily acknowledges that Liz has "many other things to deal with right now," but decides to add to that list by asking her to "please write back"... She didn't, drawing on my favourite tactic for dealing with unrequited lovers... total avoidance.

"I did it by memory..."

The following story comes from Susan in Alberta, who is now hanging seductively on a wall somewhere... or perhaps is for sale on ebay.

A 45-year-old Czechoslovakian man has been staying at the hotel I work at...he always chats it up with the girls who work at the front desk, and he'd asked long ago if he could do my portrait and I brushed it off with, "nah, there's so many other things to draw". Then he asked if he could do a portrait of me (as a gift for me) and I said, "thanks for the thought, but I wouldn't want to hang a picture of me in my place anyways". Now he comes back with THIS!

MARKO (45 year old Czech man): "Susan, do you remember when I said I wanted to do your portrait? Well, I did it by memory...I hope you are not offended"

ME (for real): "Hopefully I'm not offended (with an awkward laugh)..."

MARKO: Shows me the drawing. He drew a portrait of me in pencil about the size of a concert poster with long flowing locks. It's a head/chest shot and I'M TOPLESS! There's this huge breast & nipple bursting out of the drawing.

ME: "Woah...thanks?!"

MARKO: Puts the drawing back in his portfolio bag and starts talking about something else

ME: DYING inside, and try to look at the computer as much as possible...

"lighting the inner part of my soul"

Suzanne from Ottawa writes: "I met this guy in Cuba w/ friends. I don't know why the dude I met signed his email "Ralph" he said his name was "Raphael." Anyway I replied to this email with the usual non-nonchalant "hope you're well I had a great time" and he never replied back."

"date you / (make out)"

Tiffani from Edmonton submits this gem, a facebook message received from a friend's grown son after a weekend visit from him and his mom.

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"Hey...I'm really bad at writin things on time, to much seems to go on or I'mjust too lazy to write on anyone's FB, so here goes. I wanted to thank you for the opportunity to come up and spend time with you (as short as it was), but a wonderful experience none the less. I amvery thankful that my Mom had such a good time and that you are such a good friend to her... Anyhow, on the topic of the weekend, I wish a couple of things and you should be complimented by my admittal of this as I usually am not very social...

1. I wish I was less than 31
2. I wish I knew how to do many crafts
3. I wish I'd known you better
4. I really DID like the bear walk in the woods
5. I would definitiely date you / (make out)
6. It'd be awesome to be with someone my Mom loved. But alas these are dreams, maybe another life. You exemplify everything I would lie to do with my life and cannot for some reason...I guess I'm just on a different path.

John"

Nothing says I love you like stalking

So, this latest offering from Mirabel, here in Capital City, falls somewhat outside the traditional bounds of the unrequited love letter; that is, there are no promises of undying affection, loyalty, and/or lust; nor are there any flickers of cringe-inducingly earnest poetry or imagery. But what it lacks in painful candour, it more than makes up for in social awkwardness. You see, this missive comes from a fellow who had followed the contributor around with a wide-eyed air of an abused puppy for quite some time, (minus the leg-humping and peeing, of course), despite his beloved's complete indifference and the active discouragement of mutual friends. The heights, or depths, of his devotion was revealed when he showed up, uninvited and unknown, bleary-eyed and possibly still drunk, to a breakfast potluck he had overheard his beloved talking about. Nobody invited him; barely anybody knew him. He followed his O of A (object of affection) around the apartment, barely speaking to anybody else while gazing dolefully at his lady love. A couple hours later, she received this:

Hey Mirabel,

How's it going? I meant to talk to you at the potluck thing but was still pretty foggy/headachey from the night before. I'm trying to get people together for a board game night sometime over the next week or so, probably Settlers of Catan but it's open to suggestions. Let me know when you're available if you're interested! Also, we seem to want to talk more about religion/philosophy/politics/whatever, so I was thinking we could meet up for coffee sometime.

Cheers,
Spinoza

The letter? The height of subtlety and circumspection. The dude? Not so much.

Also, I've decided that all my male-pseudonyms will be found from the annals of philosophy. If only because I long for the day when I can post sappy love poetry from 'your ever-loving and devoted Nietzche'