"Ma sister for life"

lisa writes:

I wasn't sure what to make of this one, received from my first year university RA. I guess I shouldn't have gotten freaked out because he only wanted me to be his "sister". However, reading this in light of the fact that he had previously sent me a poem describing how he was "drowning in a sea of lust" (to be posted soon), I don't know what kind of relationship he and his sister have...


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From: Joseph <----------@hotmail.com>
To: -----------@hotmail.com
Date: 4 Sept 2003 00:12:13 +0000
Subject: For you only

Dear Lisa

On your birthday, I would love to take you out, shower you with a dozen Sunflowers and treat you to best I can ever give… In my own small way, I pray your heart accepts this poem I have written… for some one special… you

Like a rose still in a bud, like a seedling you are still opening up to become that flower my eyes yearn for day by day… On your birthday, I thank heaven your life, your personality, your humour and what you are… You are what you set out to be, lost in admiration I am... with you anybody could fall in love in heart beat... The world we conquer… not as lovers, not us siblings, but as friends... united in bound before the beginning of time...

You seem like the last strand of my very being, that embodies the heart and soul of who I would want to be... Without U... a life unthinkable, With U eternity in day... a sister I never had, a sister I never knew, Sister I will have... Today, tomorrow till the end of time... in the hell I call my life My tears flow with yours, my sorrow intertwine in yours, my heartache... molded with yours.....

I would rather go blind than to see the world without you... Deaf than to never hear U laugh, numb than never speak your name... mad than to never dream of your loving kindness…

For in my life your image, beauty, voice and passionate soul seems to binds the last grips of my tormented soul...

Its your Birth day &. words cannot express what my heart feels.... Ma sister for life... Me and U are tight... where ever we go, what ever we do, what ever becomes of that sunflowers seed I hope to blossom with you... I will always hold you in ma heart... never letting go… Never letting go…

Happy Birthday...

Joseph

PS: hope my insane heart figured out this poem right... have fun and take care....

"but will you let me?"

Liz from Nepean shares this letter received from Joe, co-worker she had befriended at the restaurant where she worked. Please note where the would-be lover readily acknowledges that Liz has "many other things to deal with right now," but decides to add to that list by asking her to "please write back"... She didn't, drawing on my favourite tactic for dealing with unrequited lovers... total avoidance.

"I did it by memory..."

The following story comes from Susan in Alberta, who is now hanging seductively on a wall somewhere... or perhaps is for sale on ebay.

A 45-year-old Czechoslovakian man has been staying at the hotel I work at...he always chats it up with the girls who work at the front desk, and he'd asked long ago if he could do my portrait and I brushed it off with, "nah, there's so many other things to draw". Then he asked if he could do a portrait of me (as a gift for me) and I said, "thanks for the thought, but I wouldn't want to hang a picture of me in my place anyways". Now he comes back with THIS!

MARKO (45 year old Czech man): "Susan, do you remember when I said I wanted to do your portrait? Well, I did it by memory...I hope you are not offended"

ME (for real): "Hopefully I'm not offended (with an awkward laugh)..."

MARKO: Shows me the drawing. He drew a portrait of me in pencil about the size of a concert poster with long flowing locks. It's a head/chest shot and I'M TOPLESS! There's this huge breast & nipple bursting out of the drawing.

ME: "Woah...thanks?!"

MARKO: Puts the drawing back in his portfolio bag and starts talking about something else

ME: DYING inside, and try to look at the computer as much as possible...