"lighting the inner part of my soul"

Suzanne from Ottawa writes: "I met this guy in Cuba w/ friends. I don't know why the dude I met signed his email "Ralph" he said his name was "Raphael." Anyway I replied to this email with the usual non-nonchalant "hope you're well I had a great time" and he never replied back."

"date you / (make out)"

Tiffani from Edmonton submits this gem, a facebook message received from a friend's grown son after a weekend visit from him and his mom.

---------------------------------------
"Hey...I'm really bad at writin things on time, to much seems to go on or I'mjust too lazy to write on anyone's FB, so here goes. I wanted to thank you for the opportunity to come up and spend time with you (as short as it was), but a wonderful experience none the less. I amvery thankful that my Mom had such a good time and that you are such a good friend to her... Anyhow, on the topic of the weekend, I wish a couple of things and you should be complimented by my admittal of this as I usually am not very social...

1. I wish I was less than 31
2. I wish I knew how to do many crafts
3. I wish I'd known you better
4. I really DID like the bear walk in the woods
5. I would definitiely date you / (make out)
6. It'd be awesome to be with someone my Mom loved. But alas these are dreams, maybe another life. You exemplify everything I would lie to do with my life and cannot for some reason...I guess I'm just on a different path.

John"

Nothing says I love you like stalking

So, this latest offering from Mirabel, here in Capital City, falls somewhat outside the traditional bounds of the unrequited love letter; that is, there are no promises of undying affection, loyalty, and/or lust; nor are there any flickers of cringe-inducingly earnest poetry or imagery. But what it lacks in painful candour, it more than makes up for in social awkwardness. You see, this missive comes from a fellow who had followed the contributor around with a wide-eyed air of an abused puppy for quite some time, (minus the leg-humping and peeing, of course), despite his beloved's complete indifference and the active discouragement of mutual friends. The heights, or depths, of his devotion was revealed when he showed up, uninvited and unknown, bleary-eyed and possibly still drunk, to a breakfast potluck he had overheard his beloved talking about. Nobody invited him; barely anybody knew him. He followed his O of A (object of affection) around the apartment, barely speaking to anybody else while gazing dolefully at his lady love. A couple hours later, she received this:

Hey Mirabel,

How's it going? I meant to talk to you at the potluck thing but was still pretty foggy/headachey from the night before. I'm trying to get people together for a board game night sometime over the next week or so, probably Settlers of Catan but it's open to suggestions. Let me know when you're available if you're interested! Also, we seem to want to talk more about religion/philosophy/politics/whatever, so I was thinking we could meet up for coffee sometime.

Cheers,
Spinoza

The letter? The height of subtlety and circumspection. The dude? Not so much.

Also, I've decided that all my male-pseudonyms will be found from the annals of philosophy. If only because I long for the day when I can post sappy love poetry from 'your ever-loving and devoted Nietzche'

"seriously IN LOVE WITH YOU"

lisa writes: below is the message i received from a friend of mine that inspired this site.

background: Ousman and i were friends when i was working in the Gambia and have kept in touch once in awhile via email since i left. i knew he liked me, so i have tried to keep the tone of correspondence quite light to avoid situations such as this. this email, though, has left me at a loss as to how to respond and feeling like a big jerk. is there anything that can be said at this point, or is it best to say nothing at all?

read from the bottom to the top to view this message in all its non sequiturial glory


--------------------------------------------------------------------------

GREAT TO HEAR FROM YOU‏
From:	Ousman J -------- (-----------@yahoo.co.uk)
Sent:	March 25, 2008 8:55:48 AM
To:	Lisa ------ (----------@hotmail.com)

Hello Lisa,

Great feeling after recieving this mail from you, bcos have been wondering why you never write back to me.

LISA, I have never tell you this , but i am seriously IN LOVE WITH YOU. when you where in the Gambia here , i never tell you when you where here bcos you might think a white lady ( Toubab ) in the Gambia that why. Lisa since i first set my eyes on you it touches my heart so deeply that i realize how one could fall in love instaneously.

I can never stop thinking about you, that why i always write you and i feel is very necessary to let you know that i love you so much .

i wish you understand what i am saying and i wish you love as well.

thanks

----- Original Message ----
From: Lisa ------
To: Ousman J -------
Sent: Monday, 17 March, 2008 5:48:33 PM
Subject: RE: greeting

Hi Ousman,

I hope you're well. I'm doing well, but very busy with work and school - sorry I didn't reply to your last email yet. I have one month left of school, and then I have to look for a job for the summer. How is the Gambia? It must be getting warm by now. Here we have 3 feet of snow on the ground, so it has been hard to walk or drive anywhere. It is getting sunny though, and I hope it will all melt soon. I wish I was back there though... I would love to go to the beach right now!

Have a good one,

Lisa

Date: Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:34:29 +0000
From: -----------@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: greeting
To: ---------@hotmail.com

hello lisa,

lisa, how are you doing , hope all is well. i do write to you but no reply

thanks